April 2007
The Young Ones
April 2007 Newsletter
In this month’s The Young Ones newsletter . . .We read about one of our member’s personal and honest account of being a single young women who’s experienced breast cancer. Cancer Vixen, a book you may have seen an extract of in The Age Good Weekend a few weeks ago, is reviewed by another one of our members. There are also opportunities to join mailing lists, information session, and a survey . . . Enjoy!
Rita Marigliani, The Young Ones Coordinator
Sex and the Single Breast Cancer Survivor
With the widening public awareness of breast cancer, and with younger women being diagnosed every year, a new sub-group is emerging: The single young woman with a breast cancer diagnosis.
The diagnosis of breast cancer from a singles point-of-view offers a set of different dilemmas and challenges to the ones faced by women with partners and children.
I was 35 and single when I was diagnosed. I'm now 37 and still single. I've attempted two serious relationships during this time and two not so serious ones.
One of the main difficulties that I've had, coming at this disease from a single perspective, is the sense that to a certain extent, I'm doing this alone. Or to put it another way, that I don't have a 'significant other' to share my journey with.
Don't get me wrong, my family and friends have offered me tremendous support but at the end of the day they go home to their lives and I go home to mine.
When I come home at night after having one of my depressing days and feeling overwhelmed by the journey, I don't have the support and the loving, nurturing arms of a close companion to hold me and share my grief. At the same time when I have a great moment, sitting in a park looking at the beautiful trees and thinking, it could be worse, I could be dead, and not be able to see this beauty again and when I think that my life is so important and there is so much for me to embrace, there is also no one to share this with.
Another significant issue for me is how to search for a good relationship from this new place as a single breast cancer survivor.
I'd never really thought that I'd be looking for a mate from the perspective of having had a life-threatening disease. If there's one way you can significantly deplete your single stocks in one fell swoop - telling a prospective partner that you've had breast cancer isn't a bad way of doing it!
I've had issues with the questions of: Should I tell? When to tell? Two weeks? One month? Six? If I do tell, will he go running and screaming into the night? I think how I would react if someone told me something big like, "I've had cancer." I'd like to think that I wouldn't be solely focused, and so fearful of its impact on me that I'd be too frightened to pursue a relationship with someone I really liked. But honestly, I can't say definitively that I would.
There's also the lingering question I've had when a relationship hasn't worked out: Was it because of my cancer?
It's also a matter of coming to a relationship with my confidence depleted. The feelings of being a bit faulty and the huge issue of the way my breast now looks.
Personally, I'm quite proud of my scar. My war wound! But my breast does look and feel different. Radiation and scar tissue has left my breast generally sore and the scar area is very delicate. I'm a bit more physically and emotionally fragile than I once was. How do I share this with a prospective partner who I haven't built up years of intimacy with?
Treatment and its effects have opened up new problem areas to do with the change to me physically, and issues surrounding intimacy. I'm on a double whammy mix of hormonal therapy: Zoladex implants, (I'm coming up to my 21st month of a 24-month treatment plan in April) and a further three years of Tamoxifen. This has sent me into a bizarre world of induced menopause at 37.
This dress rehearsal for the real deal has been distressing. When my Mum would tell me she was having a hot flush and have to take a bit of time out, I'd think it couldn't be THAT big a deal. I've since apologised to her profusely!
I've gotten used to them as part of my daily routine. (I have, on average, about three to four a day. Sometimes more, sometimes less and I usually wake up at least once a night having one.) I'm practised in the art of quickly disrobing, as this sudden onset of heat and sometimes nausea overwhelms me. The best way to describe it is walking into a sauna that's too hot and being immediately overheated throughout my entire body. Night sweats are also a problem. There's nothing like waking up in the middle of the night drenched, or in the morning covered with the remnants of a sweaty, sticky residue!
Sex is another biggy. It's painful! The dry vagina syndrome associated with menopause has made sex for me less than pleasant and problematic for a fledgling relationship.
The ramifications of possible infertility have also been enormous and had an impact directly on my treatment decision. I was given two options by my oncologist: Chemotherapy/Tamoxifen. Or the newer (at least in Australia) Zoladex/Tamoxifen therapy. I chose the later option because of the possibility that I could become infertile with the Chemotherapy treatment. At that time the loss of my fertility, even though the risk was low, was still a risk that I wasn't emotionally able to take.
I've always wanted to have children with the right man. I'm still searching for him and if I find him, I will have to make a decision about either continuing my treatment until I'm 40, significantly reducing my chances of conceiving, or stopping treatment altogether and attempting to have a child, with all the health implications that this would entail.
Despite this there are many positives for me, a single woman, as I travel along my cancer journey.
I can pursue my own interests and take up new opportunities without worrying about the impact on my family. I don't have to worry about managing my own health and that of my immediate family’s physical and emotional well being. Or worry about nurturing my partner and children, as well as myself. I'm free to take care of myself, first and foremost.
I've achieved much that I've been proud of since my diagnosis. I've gone back to university this year and in many ways my life is fuller than ever . . . Yes, I still get lonely. Being alone and lonely (the terms that go hand in hand with society’s perception of being single) are seen as the saddest of all states to find yourself in. Being lonely and in my case, having had a life-threatening illness, worse still . . . I don't know. Maybe it's not as bad as we think.
Melinda McCormack, 15 April 2007
Review: Cancer Vixen, Marisa Acocella Marchetto, Published by: Fourth Estate, 2007, Cost: $24.95, Web link: www.cancervixen.com
When I searched for this book at Borders, the computer told me I would find it in the 'cancer' section (which was really only quite small). Amongst all the other well-to-do self help books, this hardcover book stood out with its bright purple dust jacket and pink hard cover on which is written 'Cancer, I am going to kick your butt!'. That statement pretty much sets the scene for the book, as it chronicles the experiences of 42-year-old Marisa Acocella Marchetto through her breast cancer journey.
A very talented cartoonist for the USA fashion magazine Glamour and The New Yorker, the author has explained her diagnosis and treatments with honesty and humour. It is set out in cartoon strip format, including the speech bubbles and captions, and is illustrated in full colour. She explains a little about her high flying New York socialite life, and the impact her breast cancer diagnosis had on her dream of having children, her family and her career. It also chronicles the support she had from her famous restauranteur fiancé and how their relationship progressed in light of her illness. This is a book that will have you laughing out loud at parts. At 212 glossy pages, I couldn't put it down once I started reading it. Her cartoon of what 'angry' cancer cells look like very early in the book is priceless! This book is well worth a read for young breast cancer survivors and indeed for husbands/partners and wider family members who may also find it humorous and enlightening. A fantastic read!
Are you interested in joining BCNA's Young Women's E-List?
Breast Cancer Network Australia sends regular e-list bulletins to help women keep up to date with particular breast cancer issues. BCNA has set up an e-list for young women so that women can receive e-bulletins which contain information on issues relevant to young women.
E-bulletins will be sent at least monthly. E-bulletins may include research updates, progress reports on new/emerging treatments, relevant breast cancer stories reported in the media, information about relevant events/conferences, requests for feedback to BCNA from list members on relevant issues and requests for action on a particular matter. Occasionally, the lists may be used to promote a general BCNA activity.
If you are interested in signing up to the young women e-list please send an email to policy@bcna.org.au and include the following information:
- The name(s) of the list(s) you wish to sign on to;
- Your first name, last name and postcode.
Other e-lists which you may also be interested in signing up to which include:
· Secondary breast cancer
· Rural and remote
· Family (inherited) breast cancer.
Survey
Below is a short survey being conducted by a Young Ones member, this is NOT a Young Ones initiative, however if you would like to assist, complete the questions and email to the address provided below:
I live in far north Queensland, but am from Victoria originally, I am putting together my own survey. It’s about stress and its relation to anyone that has been recently diagnosed with cancer as well as cancer survivors like myself. There are 6 questions, please give a description, but try to keep the answers brief.
- Did you have a traumatic experience before you were diagnosed? eg: depression, any kind of non-cancer trauma, a car accident, injury that caused you to stress/change your lifestyle, death/illness of a loved one.
- If so, how many years of stress, trauma or depression, before you were diagnosed with cancer?
- Before you were diagnosed with cancer, did you have great self esteem? Please rate yourself from 1–5, 1 = very low, 2 = low, 3 = medium, 4 = high and 5 = very high.
- Do you worry about everyone/thing?
- Can you please tell me your age when first diagnosed with cancer?
- Is there a history of cancer in your family?
I am hoping to compile my survey and have it published for research. You may remain anonymous or include your name if you wish to, the final product WILL NOT have names, just ages. Email: send.me.my.pic@hotmail.com
Ali Murray
What’s Happening Next Month? (See The Young One website for updates)
BreaCan is free, confidential information, support and referral service for people with breast cancer, their families and friends. Open 10am-2pm Monday, Wednesday and Thursday.
From 1 May 2007, BreaCan will provide a new information service to women affected by a gynaecological cancer. BreaCan have provided information and support to women with breast cancer since 2003, and now will be opening their doors to welcome women with gynaecological cancers. This means that women with gynaecological cancers (such as cervical, endometrial/uterine, ovarian and vulval cancer) can now access BreaCan’s expanded information service.
BreaCan Resource Centre: Ground Floor, Queen Victoria Women’s Centre, 210 Lonsdale St, Melbourne. PHONE 1300 781 500 (cost of a local call for country callers)
FAX (03) 9921 0840 breacan@breacan.org.au, www.breacan.org.au
Wednesday 2 May 12.00pm-1.30pm
Making A Choice: What You Need To Know About Breast Reconstruction (Breast Cancer Session) As a plastic surgeon, Dr Mark Ashton talks to many women about breast reconstruction. In this session he will cover the factors women need to consider in deciding what is right for them, the different types of reconstruction available and new developments in reconstructive surgery.
Wednesday 16 May 12.00pm-1.30pm – Meditation (All Welcome) You’ve probably heard about the benefits of meditation: clearer thinking, reduced stress, better health, relief from pain, deep relaxation and so on. Join Matt Young, Director of the Melbourne Meditation Centre for an introductory session on “What is Meditation?” so that you can learn how to effectively relax the body and calm the mind.
Thursday 31 May 1.00pm-2.30pm – Sexuality & Gynecological Cancer (Gynecological Cancer Session) Dr Wendy Vanselow, Sexual Counsellor at The Royal Women’s Hospital, will discuss issues relating to intimate relationships after a gynaecological cancer diagnosis. The session aims to address the physical and emotional impact on relationships, body image, and communicating with your partner and will provide an opportunity for participants to discuss some of their concerns.
Thursday 7 June 12.00pm-1.30pm – Demystifying Chinese Medicine (All Welcome) Vlado Krstevski, is an experience Chinese medicine practitioner who specialises in working with people affected by cancer. He will explain the principles of Chinese medicine and talk about the complementary role that both acupuncture and Chinese herbs can play in managing the side effects of cancer treatments, as well as the ways to maintain your general well being.
Wednesday 13 June 12.00pm-1.30pm – Music for the Mind, Body & Soul (All Welcome) We all have a connection with music. Our tastes may be different, but still, music has a way of touching us all. Emma O’Brien, Senior Music Therapist, at The Royal Melbourne Hospital, will give an interactive session about the way music can be used to help attain and maintain health and well being in our lives. Singing optional, ears a must!
Wednesday 20 June 12.00pm-1.30pm – Helpful Hints for Coping with Stress & Anxiety (All Welcome) This session aims to support women to gain an understanding of how stress and anxiety can affect their energy flows and to provide an opportunity for them to share their experiences and discuss coping strategies. Liz Crocker is a Health Psychologist. She specialises in providing support for people dealing with cancer and assisting them to cope with their disease, its treatment and changes in their health.
Wednesday 4 July 12.00pm-1.30pm - Lymphoedema: What it is, Treatment & What’s Available (Gynaecological Cancer Session) Judy Purbrick, Senior Physiotherapist at Mercy Hospital Lymphoedema Clinic, will be talking about lymphoedema and its association with gynaecological cancers. Women who believe they may be at risk of developing lymphoedema after gynaecological cancer surgery, or would just like to know more, are encouraged to come along with all their questions.
Thursday 12 July 12.00pm-1.30pm – Tai Chi: Talk, Demonstration & Participation Event (All Welcome) Konrad Dorn, Chief Instructor of The Art Of Harmony Tai Chi and Qigong Centre. Konrad will provide an opportunity to learn more about and experience the many health benefits of Tai Chi.
Wednesday 25 July 12.00pm-1.30pm – All About Osteoporosis (All Welcome) Libby Oldfield, Director of Fitwise Physiotherapy, will help us understand osteoporosis and its implications for bone density and strength. As we age, minimising the impact of osteoporosis is vital in maintaining good posture, strong bones and preventing fractures. Libby will discuss how osteoporosis develops, symptoms, risk factors and the things we can incorporate in to our every day lives to help prevent it.
Newsletter Contributions
We welcome all contributions to and feedback on the newsletter. If you’ve recently read a book, seen a website, lecture or production that you think other young women who have experienced breast cancer would be interested in, or would like to share your story, we’d love to hear from you. Send all your stories, reviews contributions and feedback to ritamarigliani@netspace.net.au
Our next meeting Thursday 31 May, 7pm at Café Coco, Smith St Collingwood
Contact details Rita Marigliani
The Young Ones Coordinator:
041 123 5964
Email: ritamarigliani@netspace.net.au
Website: www.theyoungones.asn.au
